12 Funny Quotes from The Lies of Locke Lamora

I finished The Lies of Locke Lamora earlier this week and quote honestly I’m currently in a book hangover because of it and haven’t successfully started on another since. In situations like these, what better way to spend time reminiscing over the book than by selecting some of my favourite quotes to share (other than continuing with the series, of course, but for obvious reasons I can’t get to my local library at the moment) – hopefully encouraging you to pick it up to read yourself along the way!

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“Someday, Locke Lamora,” he said, “someday, you’re going to fuck up so magnificently, so ambitiously, so overwhelmingly that the sky will light up and the moons will spin and the gods themselves will shit comets with glee. And I just hope I’m still around to see it.”

“Oh please,” said Locke. “It’ll never happen.”

“There’s no freedom quite like the freedom of being constantly underestimated.”

“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he’d confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized.”

Everyone in the room stared at him.

“I called him an asshole, too,” said Locke. “He didn’t like that.”

“… It’s perfect! Locke would appreciate it.”

“Bug,” Calo said, “Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are ‘Locke would appreciate it.'”

“Rivalled only by ‘Locke taught me a new trick,'” added Galo.

“The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games …”

“… is Locke …”

“… because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons …”

“… and fifty thousand cheering spectators.”

“There are only three people in life you can never fool–pawnbrokers, whores, and your mother. Since your mother’s dead, I’ve taken her place. Hence, I’m bullshit-proof.”

“When you don’t know everything that you could know, it’s a fine time to shut your fucking noisemaker and be polite.”

“I’ve got kids that enjoy stealing. I’ve got kids that don’t think about stealing one way or the other, and I’ve got kids that just tolerate stealing because they know they’ve got nothing else to do. But nobody–and I mean nobody–has ever been hungry for it like this boy. If he had a bloody gash across his throat and a physiker was trying to sew it up, Lamora would steal the needle and thread and die laughing. He…steals too much.”

“You can’t help being young, but it’s past time that you stopped being stupid.”

“We’re a different sort of thief here, Lamora. Deception and misdirection are our tools. We don’t believe in hard work when a false face and a good line of bullshit can do so much more.”

“Throwing blondes at Locke Lamora was not unlike throwing lettuce at sharks.”

“You’re one third bad intentions, one third pure avarice, and one eighth sawdust. What’s left, I’ll credit, must be brains.

“What kind of knife is this?” Locke held a rounded buttering utensil up for Chains’ inspection. “It’s all wrong. You couldn’t kill anyone with this.”


Hopefully some of these quotes made you laugh and either brought back memories of reading the novel or inspired you to read it!

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